I wish I could say I've never felt jealous. That I've never envied or coveted what someone else has. It's an ugly thing, jealousy. It eats you up inside, like acid.

I know I've wished for some things that other people have. Clothes. Food. A home. Friends. Family. But I can't say I've ever been jealous of them. Life is a constant struggle to survive. Some people are just better at it than others. They've earned their rewards. Or stolen them. In my world, sometimes it's the same difference.

But I envy every single one of them their peace of mind. All those people whose thoughts are their own. Whose lives are their own. Decisions made, for good or ill, because of their own circumstances and thoughts. Guess that means I'm jealous of just about everyone in the entire world, huh?

Letting myself feel that way doesn't solve anything. It doesn't help anyone. All it does is hurt like hell and I've already got enough pain in my life. So I try my best not to dwell on it. That's not as hard as you might think. See, sometimes God's Voice is so loud and insistent, I can't think of anything else except what it wants me to do or say or where it needs me to go next.

Some day, though, I'd like to have a life of my own. Just like everyone else. Let someone else be the Chosen.